Ye Old Morning Wood

Repost, and oldie but a goodie...morning wood ...ugh!

Men have a curse too, yeah I know it's not like the woman's curse yet it can still be a curse. Sure there is no bloating or cramps involved, and it doesn't follow us for a week, but if you roll over on it it can be painful and in some cases embarrassing. If you are single it is a curse!

Sometimes refer to as Morning Wood, Morning Glory, The Rise and Shine, Pitching a Tent, The morning salute, or the British call it being piss proud. The technical term is nocturnal penile tumescence. Whatever you call it I guess I should just be happy at my age it still occurs.

Now if you have a guy in your life and he hasn't shared this with you the first major problem is waking up and suddenly having to use the restroom. You can't sit down with the damn thing, so suddenly your a friggin rocket scientist. Trying to use some sort of sub-conscious form of calculus to predict trajectory on the fly. You have to account for wind speed and the curvature of the earth. It's maybe 50/50 at best then of course you will come in after wards and wonder wtf why can't guys hit the mark?!!

Of course the next problem is a wasted good time. I mean you got this thing you should be able to do something with it. You want to wake your partner up, but you know that might not bode well for you. Unless maybe you found one that likes it in the morning. Hang on to that one she's a keeper. If you are single...well.. you have a place for a towel or hat.

Then there is the potential for embarrassment. For example, I stayed over at a friends house not too long ago. I ended up sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag because there were a lot of guests. Now I wore some flannel PJ bottoms and a t-shirt. However, I always kick my blankets off. I was really worried about being woken up in the middle of some morning flag ceremony and I am providing the pole if you get my drift, or worse yet ending up as some picture on the internet. Now I am sure they wouldn't do that to me, but it might incite some giggles unbeknownst to me. Of course, I would be hoping it would result in gasps, but I am pretty sure its gonna be giggles. Now it didn't happen , but I was very conscientous about it.

Granted the articles all say this is a good and healthy thing, and a good sign you DO NOT have a dysfunction. Still its proof that someone up there has a sense of humor. Of course it could be worse I mean this tumescence could not be nocturnal. Then I would have to sport wood all day at the office and while I would have a new place to hang my badge. I am not sure how long I could stay out of HR's radar.

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Now playing: The Vapors - Turning Japanese