Ok, so I have been thinking about this subject a little bit, OK lately maybe a little more than a little bit. I think it is in interesting topic since men are the key demographic in the porn industry ( although that is shifting) and since pornography is still the number one business on the internet. I am going to address this from a purely secular standpoint and not the theological. I want to try to answer the question "Why" in my honest opinion for those who are curious why guys do this and not answer the "Why Not" and this is the reason I am not touching on the theological reasons. Most religions see the body as a temple and pornography as a violation of that temple and therefore never answers "Why" since the dawn of time society, and men in general have been drawing and exploring pornographic imagery. However, I find it an interesting juxtaposition that the more sexually oppressive a religion or a theocracytends to be, the more pervasive and insidious the porn habits of the practitioners tend to be. It appears to be a result of that whole "Forbidden Fruit" syndrome. I read an article how porn is not only pervasive in countries like Iran and Saudi Arabia where it is traded as contraband, but that they are also into the most physically degrading and illegal forms or porn such as that which mimics forcible rape and child pornography. For this purpose of this post I just want to explore why guys do this and why I think sometimes it has its place and why mostly it is a destructive force.
I remember when pornographic material was isolated to dirty magazines and maybe the few stag films that your dad maybe had hidden in his dresser that required a film projector. In some ways this was a good thing because I think it at least kept pornography from becoming as widespread as it is today. You know young boys are very curious about the female body. I don't know if I could put my finger on when it started for me, but I know it was young. I think the worst thing they could have done were those sex ed classes for the young girls and leave the young boys out. I mean of course they needed to be separated, but boys got nothing while the girls went to the gym for a special "hygiene class". All I remember is nothing was the same after they came back, and that made me more curious than ever about this whole covert affair. I remember starting to notice the long hair and the wonderful curves, as well as, their smooth skin and beautiful faces. I remember being too shy to skate with a girl in the gym. Then there was my first crush whom I used to follow home everyday from middle school even though it was totally out of my way.
When curiosity was not enough and I needed to know what was going on under those clothes then came the magazines. I am pretty sure until I was a teenager I thought women came with a staple in the middle of their stomachs! My friends dad owned a large gas station and auto repair business in upstate New York. One day a wreck came in and it was a VW Van. It was pretty much totaled, but it was moved to the back of their little wrecking yard hidden amongst the other junkers. Well it was full of magazines of naked women. It was the neighborhood boys new gathering point. We used to spend long afternoons after school hanging out in the Van (which we had stocked with food and soda) perusing those magazines, examining, yeah I dare say studying them, but I don't think we would have a clue what to do if the same women was in front of us. However, I was 11 or 12 and this was my first exposure to pornography. Then there was my step father's dresser drawer. It was a gold mine of Swedish Erotica ( back in the 70's Swedish Erotica was it in the porn industry). He had playing cards ( oh how I loved you Ace of Spades!) and he also had films. Well of course I managed to figure out the projector I was in the A/V club for heavens sake. I remember secretly watching those silent color films in my room and now I understood. This was for all intents and purposes my sex education. Little did I know how empty and vacant what I was watching really was. All I knew was ...yep I want to try that!
Of course after the age of film came video which was a boon to the porn industry. Now pornography was even easier to access in the privacy of your home, but you still had the stigmatization of having to go to an adult book store to rent or buy it, and those places are generally considered taboo by the general population. Then porn came to the mom and pop video store and it began to enter the mainstream. I think this is also where the increase in addiction began as well. Then as porn became ubiquitous with the Internet both addiction and exploitation spiraled upwards as well. Now one has access to porn of all types 24/7 without restriction or embarrassment. Furthermore, the appetites grow more bizarre and needful as this industry flourishes.
Now to understand why guys seek out porn I think it is just as important to understand there are a lot of different kinds of porn. There is everything out there from the docile amateur porn which can be a husband and wife with a need to be exhibitionists to the worst kind of porn which involves underage participants, depictions of forcible or date rape, and even snuff porn in which the victim is purportedly killed in the end. In the middle is your standard porn actors, group sex or orgies, fetish porn (lots of weird stuff), and even bestiality ( you can look that up on your own). There is soft core and hard core and probably even medium core for everything I know. I know it sounds like I am some sort of porn expert, but I really am not. I just happen to know this crap is out there. However, I personally do not put all pornography in the same category. Quite frankly some of it I do not find as objectionable as others and in the right context I think can even serve a purpose in society. The unfortunate part of all of this is some art is considered pornography and that we have to be very careful of. Consider the statue of David by Michaelangelo which is clearly not pornographic by today's standards but was censored by the church at the time. I know sometimes its a fine line but we have to be very vigilant about what we label as pornography and what is truly art.
Ok so Why...why do we go there? Why do millions of guys log on every day looking for an endorphin rush and some physical relief through porn? Why are we emptying our bank accounts, credit cards, and our time into the pursuit of pornography? I think first and foremost because it is our first introduction to sex. Whether you find that acceptable or not it is often the truth whether its Playboy or Jenna Jameson. You never forget your first, so I think there is a constant pleasurable mind/body association with pornography and sexual gratification. Another reason is the women are all perfect. With the exception of amateur porn these women all have perfect, clean shaven bodies that are wonderfully fit. They meet the western ideals of what a woman should look and act like. I'll admit it can be very titillating. I think for many men we like porn because we think it is filling an emptiness or gap in our lives when in reality it is creating a larger one. Another reason is it is private and so we can act out our fantasies alone. Of course today it is readily accessible, and in our fast paced society serves our need for instant gratification. I know some men do not see it as cheating at all and therefore argue enjoying porn is better than cheating on their wives. Sometimes guys watch porn just to go along with the crowd, such as at a bachelor party. However, I don't really understand this cliche when you consider the fact that you are getting all worked up, and you are surrounded by guys not girls. I also happen to feel the same way about strip clubs.
Sometimes we do it just because it is there or out of curiosity, and we don't think we are getting enough sex so it is an acceptable replacement for that loss. Some guys go to it because they are lonely and have needs. They feel they will never be with a woman, but that is the fallacy they keep feeding themselves. Then finally I think there are guys who are truly deviant in nature, fortunately these guys make up the smallest percentage of us all. Oh yes, if a guy is watching porn he is probably masturbating, or will end up masturbating. If he tells you anything else you have got a liar on your hands. Just run a black light and some Luminol over that keyboard sometime.
The biggest problem I have with pornography is that it is exploitative in nature. Again, this is a purely secular argument, however, it is a well known fact that the porn industry is rife with girls barely of age who are in a venerable position in life and are being coerced with drugs and money to perform. I think if more guys would stop and look at their daughters, sisters, Nieces, wives and ask themselves how would I feel if they were forced into a life in the porn industry it might not be the multi-billion dollar industry it is today. Remember every one of those girls is someone's daughter, sister, niece, or wife. Of course it goes without saying I totally reject any kind of pornography that involves or portrays the participants as underage. This also goes for any kind of pornography that portrays acts of violence or that are forcible in nature.
Here is the great lie about porn is that it fills a need and no one gets hurt. The problem is there are often two people getting hurt. The first one is yourself. Skipping the spiritual let's go to how you are hurting yourself physically, and no this does not mean you run the risk of putting a kink in your snake ...OK? What I am talking about is you are stunting your ability to have real passion with a real woman. First off pornography is two dimensional. Yes, I am sure they make a 3D version, but it lacks true passion. All you see is two people with perfect bodies going at it. It lacks the dance that people do to get there. The romance, the seduction the heat of two real bodies pressed together. These two people on camera get right to it, go for a while and then they're done ( and so likely are you). There is no lying together afterward; there is no hearing her heart beat rapidly and feeling her hot breath as she catches it. There is no waking up and touching her soft hair or feeling that warm soft body next to you. The largest sex organ in the body is not between the legs( and that is true on so many levels). The largest sex organ is your brain, porn is brainless; however, romance, seduction, foreplay, and the give and take of an evening of pleasure it is just as much mental as it is physical.
The other thing porn does to ruin guys is give then the expectations that women should be willing to do everything a porn star does. If a woman doesn't then she doesn't really like you or she is no good in bed. First off, not every sex act in a pron movie is comfortable or pleasurable. In addition, you may not be equipped to pull it off and more importantly she may not have the anatomy that likes it. You might also just be gross and have bad hygiene. See the truth is the sexy is not the fact that she acts like a porn star. The real sexiness comes when a woman feels so comfortable and relaxed with you that she wants to try new things with you. That my friends is hot. In my book that is far more inviting and pleasurable.
The last problem I have with porn is that it creates unrealistic expectation about women's bodies. Look, I have dated a stripper and I gotta be honest she had a great body. The problem was that was it. I know for most guys they will say a hot body is enough, but I am telling you its another lie or certainly a myth that has been propagated. While it is true we don't always make the same emotional connections during sex that women make. We do need it too. We do dig the intensity that it offers when there is a real connection. We just won't admit it. Back to the perfect body problem. First off it's a real unrealistic expectation that can rarely be achieved. These women have the advantage of age, surgery, lighting, no children etc. etc. If you are sitting at home with no dates and no prospect of a date and expecting the perfect body to walk through the door, well quite frankly it explains why you are home alone. Not to mention you probably need to bring something to the table to land that perfect body. The other problem is a perfect body does not guarantee a perfect lover. It has been my experience that it is pretty much a hit and miss kind of thing. Women come in all shapes and sizes and it is the imperfections in both women and men that make us unique and beautiful. The imperfect body is just as fun to explore as the perfect one. No doubt in my mind. If you don't agree then I feel sorry for you.
Is there some porn I am less objected to? The answer is yes. I am not totally against consenting adults in relationships who enjoy sharing their physical relationship with the world. I know personally I would not want to , and even if I did I am not sure who would want to watch. However, in some instances I think it can even be used for therapy if both parties are watching together. Some women actually enjoy this kind of pornography and and couples who are comfortable with each other can use it to find new ways to enhance their relationships. Believe it or not guys some women do get turned on by pornography, but just not the way we do. They get turned on and want to be with their partner. We want to fantasize about the person on the screen. I think that is the major difference. In general women will also partake of porn sparingly , and guys...not so much! I do recognize this is not for everybody and of course if your spouse or significant other objects to pornography, finds it degrading or humiliating then forcing it down their throat (no pun intended) is going to do a lot more harm than good.
So have I answered the question? I think I have as it applies to me personally, but I think there are a majority of guys who would agree with me. Yes, at our very basic nature we are horny. it's OK , we were made that way. The urge to procreate is the strongest urge for a reason. Does our R-Complex or Reptilian Brain take over our Pre-Frontal Cortex..All the time. I saw a video of a drunk guy humping the front of an SUV once on the Interweb. Are the reasons we seek out pornographic materials simple? I would say some yes and some no. Is it going to make us blind or grow hair on our palms...definitely NO. However, it can damage our relationships and the ability to form them. It can stunt our ability to see women and the world through goggles of reality. It does promote the exploitation of women and gives some real creeps license to think all women wanted to be treated like porn stars. Finally, it can lead to real addiction that can require professional intervention, so in the end the seemingly temporary gratification does not outweigh the potential for damage.
Oh yeah and sometimes we do it just because we can......
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